Ouch

Ouch. I cut myself shaving this morning.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before but I hit puberty quite early, and so have been shaving since I was erm... maybe 13. Thats 10 plus years of shaving.

And in all those years I've never cut myself shaving before.

Shares Shares Shares

The chart above shows just how badly Northern Rock Shares have fallen over the last month.

And truth is I've lost a small fortune over the last few days. I knew the shares were a gamble so its not like I can honestly say I didn't know that might happen.. But today has been a good day.

The shares in Northern Rock are up somewhat - nowhere near what I bought them at but still... its nice to see an increase rather than a fall. Maybe just maybe it might not be a bad decision after all to have bought those blasted shares in the first place.

I'm pissed that the dividend has been cancelled though... yes there will be no dividend this year from the looks of things :o(

He Laughed...

I read this post off someone’s blog and I can’t convey how much the words moved me.

“He laughed at me when I asked him out...”

That was the whole post.

Notes On A Scandal

Oh my I feel quite unnerved - I recently watched Notes On A Scandal - and it was as good as I imagined.

Crazy thing about wanting to watch movies for ages is that they usually don't live up to the hype and end up being a disappointment. However Notes On A Scandal was not one of those movies. It was brilliant. It was fast-paced and acting was top-notch.

I adore Cate Blanchette and Dame Judi Dench - between the two of them they made that movie really engaging... and well a actor called Andrew Simpson was kinda sexy and nice on the eyes... he has the most gorgeous eyes *Sigh* OK OK OK he might have played a 15 year old in the movie but he is 18 in real life so I think its ok to drool (well actually he was 17 when the movie was shot)

Have you seen it? If not - go get it.

My Share of Northern Rock

I'm always one who bears heed to the motto 'always trust your instinct' - but what happens when it leads you astray or suggests financial ill. What then?

My instinct has been telling me for the past few months to buy Northern Rock shares - right now I'm glad I waited - the fact that they dropped from £8 per share to just under £2 per share being the obvious reason. But in the spur of the moment today (actually it wasn't so much spur of the moment as it was a momentary weakness in resistance) - I spent.... well in fact lets just say I spent the bulk of the contents of my immediate access savings account to purchase said shares. Let's just call it a gamble... a rather crude one... but here's to hoping that that decision and Northern Rock share price doesn't live to disappoint.

Up until now... ignoring the fact that my mortgage is with Northern Rock - I've had no real financial tie with the stability or future of Northern Rock - that no longer holds true. I spent quite some time today looking into my share portfolio (as one can imagine) - and I found it rather disturbing that I now have a greater stake in Northern Rock than I do with my employer Lloyds TSB in terms of investment and ownership.

I have yet to decide if this was a foolish decision. I still have faith that Northern Rock will rise like an Phoenix from the fire, fresh from the fire of its destruction... am I deluded?

Northern Rock - updated

What happens when a bank is feared to collapse?

The government's pledge to guarantee all deposits held by Northern Rock in an effort to shore up confidence in the country's fifth-biggest mortgage lender seems to have worked.

Chancellor Alistair Darling, speaking after the stock market closed on Monday, said that if necessary the government and the Bank of England would guarantee all existing Northern Rock deposits during the current instability.

His intervention came after three days which have seen thousands of Britons lining up outside the bank's branches to withdraw their savings, some saying they had no idea where they would move their funds to.

Even the Prime Minister Gordon Brown had put his credibility on the line by taking the unprecedented step of guaranteeing all savings in Northern Rock accounts. The Prime Minister for fuck sake!

Customers at Northern Rock, which provides 1 in 13 British homeloans/mortgages, are estimated to have withdrawn at least 2 billion pounds since Friday when it was rescued by emergency Bank of England funding. Yes thats the Bank of England.

Attempts by Northern Rock's Chief Executive Adam Applegarth, as well as government, bank and regulatory chiefs, to allay customer fears and unease across the financial sector have finally seemed to allay the sense of panic among some account holders.

"The simple fact now is that the chancellor has made it clear that all existing deposits in Northern Rock are fully backed by the Bank and are totally secure during the current instability in the financial markets," Applegarth said in an update posted on the www.northernrock.co.uk Web site.

This morning saw Northern Rock's shares finally bucking the slump that saw them dive 35 percent on Monday following a 31 percent drop on Friday. Thats a drop from twelve quid to three quid in the span of 6 months - by all accounts thats lethal for any Northern Rock share holders. Could an up turn be around the corner?

This was all due to a few sub-prime defaults in America a while back - it would appear when America sneezes the rest of the world catches a cold. Whatever happened to an independent economy?

Updated - here are a couple of shots at the queues outside my local branch of Northern Rock.

Playing Hard To Get

I’ve been quite a bad blogger as of late. I find the more you stay away from here, the harder it is to get back into the swing of updating. It’s definitely not from a lack of drama in my life.

I’m slightly frustrated as of late – I find one specific person particularly frustrating... maybe I’m just far too used to being the flirt and the one who plays hard to get – so why does it frustrate me so when someone turns the table on me.

There is a particular guy I have my eye on, but he was with someone and having learnt my lesson from getting emotionally tangled with guys seeing other people – I steered well clear… but then lo and behold he broke up with said person and I thought – why not?

A kind of a cat and mouse game has since kind of existed between the two of us and well thinking he might not have been as interested as he first led me to believe I backed off – then I meet up with him and got the distinct impression that the chemistry between us has not dimmed even slightly and I felt him practically press up against me and attest his ‘wantonness’ – but when I draw near (metaphorically speaking) I feel him back away. What’s that all about?

Last time I saw him it took all my restraint not to grab a hold of him, press against him and rip his clothes off. Especially since the hug he gave me when I saw him was one of those you give someone you really really missed. I know I play hard to get – but this goes beyond even that kind of game – its borders sheer confusion and I feel lost completely out of my depth.

2 Women & A Baby

Fuck... I had this long post written up and it’s disappeared. I’m like totally vex – coz firstly I have a stupid fucking laptop and its soo slow it’s murderous. Apologies for not checking out any blogs as of late - I'll catch up soon - when I get my computer sorted. It would appear life it seems has overtaken me and left me hanging on for dear life.

I mentioned M earlier and I think the fact that I neglected to mention details raised a couple of eyebrows – there really isn’t anything to report I’m afraid – this is just someone who I have out with and who worringly is displaying exactly the same loved up symptoms that my ex displayed before I broke to him the fact that I was very far from the place he was. I hate that part of seeing someone, grrrrr. But that said I have told him from the onset (as I do with anyone I meet up with) that I don't fall easy, this appears to be what is at work here - I'm stationary whilst he might be falling for me.

On a happier note, I have a sore arm from playing the Wii far too much... Gosh that Wii Sports tennis is brutally addictive and arm shatteringly painful to play, especially when you’re down a couple of points. Fuck I really need to get my finger (metaphorically speaking of course) out of my arse and get down to some real gritty hard studying – its seems to be very much the last thing on my mind as of late. My strategy teacher noticed that serious lack of studying and had harsh words.

On a slightly weirder note, things with the certain girl I mentioned several posts earlier just got stranger. She went to Blackpool and got me a souvenir (a fridge magnet) – very surprising and unexpected. I luckily had a spare Spanish chocolate – that I had to pretend I had gotten her from Barcelona (oh the shame – I really didn’t think of her) – Jules I got a keychain for you – I just haven’t had a chance to get it out to you – soon I promise. So strange was her response I visibly was startled – she seemed slightly sad at being given the chocolate bar – as a result of her reaction and my consequential reaction she felt it necessary to explain – apparently as a consumable gift she would not be able to keep it as a token of remembrance. I was slightly shocked at that reaction. Whoa. Does this mean what I think it means?

As in life isn’t complicated enough, my maternal uncle dropped by my mum’s place (he knew I was there) over a weekend when my parents were in France (he knew this also). In tow, he brought two sisters, both from Kenya, who are distant relatives of his wife. It was crystal clear that this was a set up, an informal one, and shrouded as it may have been I saw through the whole façade. However being polite I made small talk with the girl intended to be my potential suitor. Whilst the little voice in my head was screaming warnings I found myself enjoying my chat with her. I was actually sitting there thinking ‘wow this girl is really attractive’.

Since that day I’ve been asked on many occasions if I want to go out with her. My instant reaction was NO. But now that I think about it I think I would. However this would cause several problems: most relevant would be my aunt’s reaction to this. She already has this whole notion that I’m only pretending to be gay and this would not help to dispel that myth.

As to avoid a hasty decision I’ve requested some time and space to think about the whole situation, whilst I’ve already exceed that by over a week – I find myself actually tempted to go through with this.

This girl is slightly older than I am (she is also 25), and is slightly smarter than me too – actually that is such a blatant lie - she is MUCH MUCH MORE smarter and more qualified as well. Whilst this could be an issue for some people – it wouldn’t be for me.

The situation has gradually worsened as I find myself picturing myself with her, with kids, a happy home and I find that I want this. I really really want this. How is that possible? I hardly know this girl and I’ve never wanted or felt the need to raise a family or have kids – what on Earth could bring this on?

And the scariest thought occurs to me – how long would I want this for? But then how does one know if one really wants something without trying it out first? What happens when I find myself no longer wanting it? It’s not like trying a new flavour of ice cream now is it? This is meant to be for life... and I’ve yet to consider myself Bi over Gay – although gauging recent events it is likely that at some point I’ll move back to Bi. It may sound crude but I turned my attention to my penis – it reacts to the opposite sex (CAPS works both ways) – but I can’t ignore its reaction to the same sex.

And then despite it all I laugh at the irony of it all... it would appear that there are now 2 girls in my life that I’m attracted to, and a guy that hasn't done anything to make me fall yet... could I be get any straighter?

Bank Holiday Wiiiiiiiiii-kend

I was really pissed off this weekend.

My aunt had collaborated with a local travel agent and arranged a trip to Paris for the weekend just gone, since it was a Bank Holiday yesterday the plan was to leave on Saturday and return on the Bank Holiday Monday (ystd).

Now I know I've been to Murcia (Spain), in February, Butlins last month (in July), and Barcelona (Spain) earlier this month, but when someone asks if you wanna come to Paris and EuroDisney - a huge Disney fan like me automatically screams 'YES OF COURSE I DO - ARE YOU STUPID ASKING ME A QUESTION LIKE THAT?'

It was therefore with great sadness that I couldn't go. One big problem was WORK. I've already had more weeks off than anyone else in the entire Bank, in fact I've probably been off twice as much as other staff. And besides who on Earth was I gonna ask to cover me on the August Bank Holiday weekend when the weather was 25oC and sunny, when we live in a Country where a sunny day is as common as a heatwave in the Arctic. I urged my mum and dad to go, as my other aunt (the one I live with) said she'd look after Priya in thier absence. My brother had to work so him and his wife couldn't go.

When Saturday morning arrived it wasn't remotely surprising that when I got to work I found that someone had smashed a window the night before, the key for the room with the broken window was missing and was nowhere to be found, and a complete stranger (a girl) turned up claiming it was her official first day working there (funnily not even the Senior Branch Manager had even heard of her or was expecting her), the repair work scheduled to the electrical meter couldn't be done coz the key to the locked cupboard containing the meter was also nowhere to be found. At 2pm I left work with delight.

Meet up with M - I don't know what it is with me but it would seem I only feel sexually attracted to unavailable guys who have boyfriends or complex relationships with their ex/boos, or are straight - that one is always a turn on. Why can't I be attracted to someone single for a change. M is a great guy but I'm uncertain if I will find myself attracted to him. Guess time will tell. I'm worried I may end up stringing him along before I decide.

Sunday we went to Whipsnade Zoo, which was a blast.

And on Bank Holiday Monday I finally picked up my Nintendo Wii (I'm totally blaming Random Thinker for costing me £300 with this post) and played Tennis, Golf, and Mario Part 8 until I smashed my hand into the table and cracked my index finger's nail in several places - so exciting was that round of the tennis match. At one point I had my aunt and sister-in-law playing as well... it might have cost me over £300 but it was a small price to see my aunt having soo much fun, she was laughing in delight, obviously the laughter abruptly ended when the loud smash rang across the room, and my finger looked like that of a war victim's one (I was still laughing though).

J my pregnant mate, finally had her baby boy yesterday, at 8lbs and 6oz, over a week past her due date. I was so happy.... still am actually. I felt sorry for her when she said the sod was born after a 38 hour labour. Ouch. 'NEVER AGAIN' were her first words when I spoke to her.

And I just rang work to find out that the ceiling has collapsed - apparently the new coffee machine installed earlier this week leaked and the ceiling caved in. Ouch... I was grateful that it didn't happen on Friday night to greet me on Saturday morning.

Darren Hayes

Yesterday was a day that shook the very foundations of my existence.

What you will ask could have such an impact?

A simple discovery… That Darren Hayes (who?) is gay.

I grew up wondering, yes I wondered, and deep down I probably knew, but to actually read that in black and white, that Darren Hayes is not only gay but in a two-year civil partnership with some guy called Richard was very disconcerting.

The interview was in ‘Attitude’, which is my gay magazine of choice/preference. And I was amazed at how candid that interview was, considering how deep Darren Hayes was once in a closet.
It would probably be no small understatement to make the comment that I adore Darren Hayes… I’d probably go as far as say I actually love this guy – ever since the days he bopped onto the music scene with ‘To The Moon & Back’. This is my all time favourite song - and want it playing at my funeral when I die.

Now anyone who knows Darren Hayes or Savage Garden will know who that there has always been a grey area when it came to his sexuality – was he or wasn’t he?

Now I really can’t imagine how difficult it would be to dealt with your sexuality when everything about you is splashed across tabloids in whatever light would best sell your story, I could never live in that kind of scrutiny, but Darren Hayes ‘coming out’ made me cringe. I actually felt a profound sadness at how he was forced to address this issue.

It was at what he thought would be a simple interview, that he was asked point back by Simon Amstell (who is also gay I might add), a presenter on Channel 4, callously asked the question ‘so, when are you going to come out then?’, to which Darren replied ‘excuse me’… Simon being a prick (he has never hidden this fact and once made Britney cry) said ‘well, you’re obviously gay but why won’t you come out?’

It doesn’t really shock me to read how Darren replied; in fact I admire him for it. He had told himself he wouldn’t deny it, rather in the past he would just say ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ – which for anyone with a brain would realise was his way of saying yes I’m gay, move on now. His response to Simon’s hostility was violent - ‘Oh you want to talk about my sex life do you? Yeah I like to fuck, actually. I’m probably more of a top and if you lay on your back I’ll show you how I like to fuck’

That was it. He had come out. But Channel 4 wisely edited that and gave Darren an opportunity to officially come out on his blog.