Monday, October 29, 2007

The Ghetto

Saturday Night. 10PM.

I can’t believe Monty gave up a perfect opportunity to get his own back for the prank I pulled on him, when I turned to our meeting point and couldn’t find him.

Truth be told I’m not really blaming Monty or his mates for getting me pissed (Dan* you’re right though.. you guys drink loads..) but it just makes me feel better (and less guilty) if I find I can blame someone else. I knew exactly what would happen after that first drink and I still had it. Personally I think a night-out with alcohol induced craziness was slightly overdue. And oh was there alcohol induced crazy behaviour. Our destination: The Ghetto.

It started out with one drink (as it always does) and quickly progressed to so many I actually lost count. I think I was drunk after about 4 alcopops (I recall a time when it took about 10 of those to make me tipsy). I find there are levels to being drunk, and I find my inner flirt kicks into overdrive when I’m drunk and I have little actual control over my actions once I’m there.

An SMS exchange with Monty has already confirmed he saw my inner flirt at action with the ‘Gentle Giant’ (for this post we’ll refer to him as GG) I hooked up with. I’m not exactly tall, and I came up to this guy’s chest, which I must admit was really nice getting cushioned by when dancing. The problem however came when we were kissing (and oh boy I recall kissing him the whole night) and either he bent down or I got on my tiptoes. I’m sure there was more of his saliva in my mouth than my own. There were frequent times he literally swept me off my feet too and I physically rode him... not sexually mind.. oh well that’s not exactly true.. I did have my legs completely wrapped around his waist several times.

For the image GG originally presented me.. I imagined he was gonna be fairly wild and forward.. but GG was actually a lot shyer than he looked. I had to move his hands in certain places to give him ‘permission’.. but by the end of the night we were happily groping each other and holding/caressing each other with little regard for those around us. Lets just say we both know exactly how hung the other is.. for our hands were often in contact with the other’s cock, occasionally without the constrain of clothes. With exception to GG’s ankles and feet, I’m pretty certain there isn’t any part of him where my hands didn’t wonder. I think he could say the same about me.

Between the bouts of dirty dancing.. we did speak. I discovered he is a Social Worker, and whilst he is much older than the kind of guy I normally go for (he definitely isn’t 16/17.. which Monty thinks is my preferred age range).. he seemed a really sweet guy and I happily exchanged my number with him. But with my adversity with the whole concept of casual sex I didn’t go home with him, despite part of me wanting too. We've since agreed to meet up some time soon.

Bless, he actually texted me the next day and apologised for being so drunk and hoped he was well behaved.. I don’t either one of us was particularly well behaved so I said it was kool.

I danced with him for soo long I’m not sure when Dan, Steven (Dan’s husband), & Monty even left. But I’m pretty certain they all left before me coz I only found Dan’s other mate and his partner when I decided to retire for the night.

I got home at 5AM and was pissed when my aunt rang me at 7AM. Its probably a good thing, I did have to be at her place a short while later to leave for the performance at Trafalger Square later on.. I took part in one of the performances for 'Diwali on the Square'. It rained quite a bit but BBC estimated there was about 30,000 people about, if not more, see here. But nursing a hangover, it was awful feeling sick and being wet.

Jules/Dan - does that suffice?

* Dan it was a pleasure meeting both you and Steven.

Sunday, October 28, 2007


*GROANS* (loud & gutturally)

Oh man. I knew there was a reason why I gave up drinking.

This feeling does pass doesn't it?

I have a vague recollection from days of binge drinking that eating & drinking plenty (of water and NOT more alcohol) was supposed to help. So I had a bag of chips at 4AM (even though I didn't want to), and I also brought a bottle of mineral water and drank most of it (even though I didn't want to).

And right now I've already had a full bowl of dry cereal (even though I didn't want to)... I recall that it helps soak up the lingering alcohol... which truth be told was probably more than I've eaten (in the mornings) for the whole week.

Damn. I'm totally blaming Monty & his mates.

And I really need to learn some self control (in more ways than one)

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Much Ado About Monty Indeed

I met up with Monty from Much Ado About Monty on Tuesday just gone. I had asked him prior to meeting up what he fancied doing, and we agreed to that Madame Tussands & London Eye sounded like a good idea... since you can’t really come to London and NOT do these.

I was pleasantly surprised that our British weather was very kind on the day, and it was actually sunny... not warm mind you, its October after all, and expecting warmth is a bit crazy.

I got to Baker Street early enough, and had texted him the day before to buzz me when he got there. As I waited an evil thought ran through my mind when I realised Monty hadn’t arrived yet. I found a nice little corner and got comfortable. Since I hadn’t met Monty before I wasn’t sure I’d recognise him right away but the minute he emerged from the station I spotted him. He looked around and I dashed for cover, Baker Street doesn’t really offer much hiding space. I received his text to say he’d arrived and I texted back saying something to the effect of ‘Dude didn’t you get my text… I said I can’t make it till 4pm’... considering it was 12pm now... that would have been a nasty shock for him to receive already waiting there. I was tempted to leave him there for a few minutes but I wasn’t feeling particularly mean (Monty imagine if I was?) and I went and stood right next to him. The look on his face was priceless. I’m kind of kicking myself for not taking a picture now. He might not know this but I waited there for about 30 seconds before letting him know.

What a way to break the ice. Just in case we're keeping score Monty its 1:0... and you being mean about the 17 year old... doesn't count. Thats too minor.

Madame Tussands was a laugh; Monty seemed to attract all sorts of weirdos, one guy/girl (I'm not sure whether he/she was male or female) stared so intensely at Monty for a whole 30 seconds like it was in shock and thinking 'OH MY GOD THIS STATUE IS MOVING'.. not entirely sure what that says about his complexion. But Monty is a good looking guy so I totally understand the staring. For Monty the highlight was his picture with Kylie. I was kind of hoping I'd see the statue of Justin Timberlake and was disappointed to see it wasnt present. I was kind of hoping to feel JT up.. assuming that that would be the closest I'd ever get to feelin up JT.

Whilst Monty was busy batting away the weirdos... me on the other hand had to act as a Knight for a damsel in distress. This poor Chinese woman petrified in the Live Horror of Chambers, bless her, grabbed a hold of me saying ‘Can I stay you please’, poor thing was actually shaking.

After what was the fastest visit to Madame Tussands, I like Monty's style, we moved on to London Eye, which regardless of how many times you do is always breathtaking. I had to ask a couple of people to scoot out of the way and happily harassed others to take pictures. Actually that said I asked one couple to move AND take a picture too, aren’t I a charm? A woman with immaculately dressed kids (no joke it was baking hot in the capsule and they were wearing shirts, trousers and ties.. I can’t remember if they had jackets on too) took a liking to the two of us, and Monty pointed out was watching us. She made some comment as we alighted the flight (yes its called a flight.. it is half owned by British Airways) which made it clear that she was also listening to our conversation. I was laughing soo hard I’m not sure what she said now.

After that we aimlessly wandered towards Leicester Square for hours until poor Monty highlighted the fact that he was wearing shoes. I found it hilarious that as someone from Australia Monty knew the streets of London better than I. Having gotten to Charing Cross, I took the wrong turn and headed towards Strand instead of towards Leicester Square. Finally we took a train there, when bless Monty looked like he was gonna strangle me if I made him walk anymore. My excuse (for the lack of direction) is I’m used to driving through the City, and the roads/routes drivers take are wildly different from the back streets you use walking.

After grabbing a bite to eat, we trawled through Soho. The memories of my first visit to Soho burning brightly in my mind. It amazes me now how casually I can walk into a sex shop, when less than 3 years ago I recall being petrified and super-embarrassed entering ‘Prowlers’ on Brewer Street (the first gay sex shop I entered). Hell I think Monty was more bashful than I. It didn’t help that I dragged him into four sex shops before we left Soho. Both of us were amazed to see that the ‘Soho Original Books’ (also a sex shop), is more catered for straight men than gay. It was like the gay porn section was created as an afterthought.

Thus ended our day together. Not before shamelessly picking the train carriage with the hot guy in it. I followed him off the train until he went towards the Jubilee line and I had to take the Bakerloo. Damn he was HOT. And he totally knew I was checking him out. He looked back several times.

Buddy just for the record I had a great time with you. And time, money and life permitting I will most definitely take up your suggestion and attend the Mardi Gras in February.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I HEART Katie Melua

Have I ever mentioned just how much I love Katie Melua? Her new album ‘Pictures’ is out, and to her credit it’s just as fantastic as I ever imagined it would be. The songs are deep and catchy.

I recently sent a song called ‘Piece by Piece’ to a friend via MSN who has been having slight issues with his ex, and since that day I could help but think of her and her songs. Would it be of a huge surprise that since that day I’ve been listening to her albums ‘Pictures’ and ‘Piece By Piece’ every minute I have.

But it made me think of something that happened when she released her single ‘Nine Million Bicycles’, for anyone who hasn’t heard it… YOU MUST. Its my all time favourite of all her songs. Its actually the first song of hers I heard. In case you haven’t heard it… here are the lyrics: Just to be clear.. for purposes of this post the bit in red is very relevant.

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a fact,
It's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die.

We are twelve billion light years from the edge,
That's a guess,
No-one can ever say it's true
But I know that I will always be with you

I'm warmed by the fire of your love everyday
So don't call me a liar,
Just believe everything that I say

There are six billion people in the world
More or less
And it makes me feel quite small
But you're the one I love the most of all

We're high on the wire
With the world in our sight
And I'll never tire,
Of the love that you give me every night

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a Fact,
it's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die

And there are nine million bicycles in Beijing
And you know that I will love you till I die!

Now the greatest thing about Katie, is she has an almost dark sense of humour (just as I do), and I adore her for it. For those that aren’t aware.. the truth is the we are 13.7 billion light years from the edge, not 12 billion. So this scientist called Simon Singh (from the Guardian) really went into her.. taking that lyric as a personal insult... and wrote an article badmouthing her for that lyric, claiming it belittled the scientists who worked very hard to calculate the figure of 13.7 billion, which he claimed WAS accurate. So in the greatest fashion she responded during a ‘BBC Today’, by altering the lyrics, she apologised to Simon Singh and said that she ‘should have known better’ because she used to be a member of the astronomy club at school... it was a fantastic response coz the altered version really put Simon Singh in his place.. she altered the lyric in the song to read:

We are 13.7 billion light-years from the edge of the observable universe
That's a good estimate with well-defined error bars
And with the available information
I predict that I will always be with you.

And I’ve been searching to find that program on YouTube ever since, to no avial.. then several days ago I found it. It's not from the original program but from this Scientific Talk Show called TED. I love it and you guys have to watch it.

For those that want to hear the actual song here it is:

Monday, October 22, 2007

Young Attractions

UPDATE: Thanks to Bruce... this is what I've just learnt:

The age of consent in England is 16, as specified by the Sexual Offences Act 2003. However it is illegal for a person to engage in sexual activity with an individual under the age of 18, if they are in a position of trust in relation to that individual (teacher, warder, care giver, guardian, etc).

And its all good, coz I ain't his teacher, warder, care giver, or guardian... but that said does 'chauffeur' count?


Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if my life is just one big test.

I don’t know if its healthy but I find in the majority of situations the people that tend to flock around me have a tendency to be quite young, ok flock is maybe a strange word… lets say people that acquaint themselves. I know I don’t always act my age, and having the gift of youthfulness makes me ‘appear’ a lot younger than I really am. I’ve lost count of the people who ask me what A-Levels I am doing? Or what degree I’m doing. Assumption being made is I’m about 18-20... how are people blind to the bags beginning to form under my eyes? Oh yes, I’m not completely immune to the effects of aging.

Anyways so back to a couple weeks ago (yes I’m now blogging on hindsight nowadays) and I met this young chap for the first time, its my aunt’s dance academy dinner party. In order to protect the innocent we’ll pretend his name is Crush (which is quite ironic). Now Crush is 16. His birthday just went, so he is NOW 17, but at the time this relates to.. he is firmly 16. Holey shit... he has sex appeal.

See now whilst he assumed I was definitely older than him, he guessed wrong assuming I was 18ish. And whilst I knew he was younger than me, I guessed wrong too, for I assumed he was 18ish too.

I’m sure you’ve all met at least one closeted teenage guy who excessively puts on a show of being straight by making comments such as ‘I’d bang her’ (yes this is a direct quote) but there is always a line of thought that runs back to being gay… this is one of the conversations we’ve had:

Crush: Looks there’s Ant. Do you know Ant*? He’s batty
Me: Yeah I know Ant. So what?
Crush: Nothing. He’s safe
Me: So why mention it?
Crush: Nothing I’m just saying.
Me: What exactly? That you’re gay too?
Crush: Fuck off.

We spend most of the dinner talking, we are sat next to each other. During a photo shoot he puts his arm around me. During another photoshot, he turns to kiss me (he doesn't kiss me but pretends to).. this is mock imitation to the girls who did exactly the same thing seconds before.

Anyways... fast-forward to later that evening.... the biggest problem with London nightlife is that the bulk of places are 21 plus and they do ID you. So the majority of us go to Crazy Horse, a semi-local club. Crush is the youngest of us…and clearly not legal to enter. But since the majority of us are well over 21 and being with so many older people (my aunt is there too) we think they wouldn’t fuss and ask him for ID. They didn’t. So he is really excited to get in (I had offered to drop him home if they refused him entry).

So once in the club, me being the casual flirty guy, totally touched up this hot drunk guy, who was definitely straight but was so drunk he was flirty back. Actually scrap that, he isn’t hot, he was FUCKING GORGEOUS. Anyways he is dancing with this girl, and I brush past. And I don’t know how this happened exactly but he is hugging me in the middle of the dance floor. Crush is watching, and so are some people including my aunt, so I’m fairly conscious of this and hesitantly disengage (damn it this never happens without an audience). As I make my escape I hear girl ask the totally drunk gorgeous guy if he knows me. I don’t hear his reply… but they carry on dancing together. As I return to where Crush is standing he has a look of awe on his face ‘what was that all about?’ he says. I look at him and joke ‘I’m hard to resist.’ I must admit that even Crush is checking this guy out. I firmly remind myself, whether or not Crush is gay, bi or straight, he IS 16. When he excuses himself to go to the toilet, I resist the urge to follow. I mentally remind myself that he is 16. 16 16 16. Its 1AM by now and the morning wears on.

Once the club is closed, I drop him off home. Thinking that this would be the last time I see him for a while... I’ll see him in December for another party he will be attending. So we stay bye, and he tells me to keep in touch. We exchange numbers.

A handful of days later I find out that we’ll both be taking part in a fashion show and so I’ll be seeing more of him than I originally thought. So far I've already seen him 4 times this month.

And yes before you ask I have seen him topless as a result... he has a six pack. I tried not watching him dress, for the most part I succeeded... it did require a constant mental mantra of ‘HE IS 16’ for it to work. He was less obvious when I was changing, and watched me fairly openly. He even touched my abs whilst I’m topless and then ran the tips of his fingers across my abs. Fuck I’m not lying… that almost fully aroused me. I firmly tell him not to touch me again. I’m only wearing tracksuit bottoms at this point and I don’t want to have a raging hard-on... for fuck sake he is still 16. He doesn’t take a step back but instead looks at me and says ‘that’s a lot of hairy bro’. He doesn’t touch me again but he does continue to watch. I quickly change. We were suppose to be finding stuff to wear but I don’t think its wise to be the only ones in the room now, so I grab something and exit the room leaving him there alone.

He follows, but in the hall with so many people around us, his intense focus on me wavers, I’m glad coz that was what I was hoping for. Exactly at that time this girl (also in the fashion show) sports a black Gucci dress (kind of like Posh from days of Spice) and I almost feel my hard-on return.. I’m not kidding she is a sight to behold in that dress. I feel Crush’s arm tug at me and I hear him whisper ‘fuck me’ into my ear. I ignore how close he must be, and I am made painfully aware when I feel his body weight press against my back and right arm. Just for the record this FUCK ME, is not directed at me… its totally directed at that girl. I peel him off me and manage to walk over to the girl and I tell her she looks great, my voice wavers slightly. She smiles and I can see the benefits of being straight for a second or two.

After a while, I tell one or two of the other girls, that certain dresses don’t look so good on them. I find for the most part girls appreciate guys telling them things don’t look good, if they genuinely don’t. One of these girls later tells me she thought I was gay coz I have such a good sense of fashion, I tell her I am. She thinks I’m joking. I ask her why any straight guy would say he is gay. She still thinks I’m joking... I think she is already used to me being so funny all the time. I firmly tell her I am and I’m being serious. She is stunned but says ok. But that’s irrelevant here.

So whilst we’re waiting for the girls to get ready. They’re all too young to drive, so I’ve volunteered to be the designated driver tonight. I’m not sure what the conversation is and how it came down to it, but I lightly punch Crush on the shoulder after making a joke that Crush is like a bad smell that lingers. Before I know what happens Crush reaches down as grabs my crouch, playfully I might add but there was definite contact between my crotch and his hand.. the tracksuit bottoms I’m sporting are fairly thin. I’m not laughing anymore, I’m fairly stunned. I have no idea how to react to such a response. So I deflect his hand and walk to the opposite wall. Thankfully we stay on opposite sides of the wall until the girls return. I drop him off and that is that. I find he touches me more often than he needs to. He always shakes my hand as he leaves, or when I say something funny, or attempts to ‘touch’ (a fist to fist)

On one side he is soo gay and on the other he is soo straight.

It makes me slightly less awkward that he is now 17. But still. He’s still less than legal. As if I don’t have enough confusion in my life. Now as a result of this fashion show I will see him fairly often, once a week and I have no idea how to deal with him, especially coz he is like ‘wow’**.

* Ant being one of the dance instructors at the dance academy.

** wow – meaning: In his words... 'I’d bang him if he were legal'

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Its All About The Right of Rights

I was killing some time last week on the net, we'll call this... 'pretending to studying', and I came across this video... and it really touched me.

Is it me or was that just a fucking great advertisment for gay rights? I must admit I never saw it coming.

I can't remember, why or when, but I do recall talking to Jay about this ages ago, and whilst I personally don't really have an opinion on this subject... I do support the idea that two guys should be able to get married if they so choose to.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Coming Out Update!

Things at home have been erratic at best, since coming out, things with my aunt have flattened and we tend not to discuss it anymore, it’s like it never happened. There are moments of highs and moments of lows every now and then.
In all honesty coming out has had very little impact on the grand scheme of things, except there are times where living with someone who is clearly homophobic and anti-gay is close to impossible.

When a few months ago my uncle went through the whole tirade of trying to set me with a girl I mentioned some time back, my aunt went about with an air of resignation and truthfully it’s not bothered me at all. What did bother me was that she made some nasty comment about me of going off on holiday with ‘gays’ (as she refers to gay people), which is the ultimate sin in her eyes.

The truth is the opposite though, the holiday this refers to is of course Barcelona, and who I went with was a friend called Sam from university (who is practically engaged to this girl) and his best mate, who spent most of the holiday eyeing up women. But what really ticked me off was that she refuses to acknowledge or realise that at some point that as a gay man that I will undoubtedly go on a holiday with another gay bloke (friend or lover is ultimately relevant) and what I’ve learnt is that when that day comes it will not go well.

I must admit that on that day, when she aired that opinion, I did not take it at all well; in fact I don’t ever think I’ve ever been that angry in my life. I’ve given her both time and space to deal with the whole issue, and whilst I put on an air of nonchalance that day went to prove that I’m not dealing with it as well as I originally had thought. I know I have a vicious temper, but so it so rarely flairs that on that day, my violent and colourful reaction was astonishing and surprising, even to me. That is the first time in my life I have ever swore at her… I called her a ‘bitch’ and told her to ‘just fuck off’ many many times. When I’m angry I try to get away, and when she is angry or upset she confronts and this doesn’t work out very well. In hindsight I think it was very bad of me to have reacted like that, but pent up anger has a way of being uncontrollable. When she replied that she would not tolerate my behaving or speaking to her like that, I was seeing such red that I actually said ‘I don’t give a flying fuck what you think’ - which I think is probably as honest as I could have been at that moment in time.

But back to what this post is actually about - there have also been many days where my brother has pretty much caught on. The whole tension around this subject has not been something invisible. The other day my brother actually asked me point blank if I had told my aunt I was gay. The reason of course was my aunt’s behaviour over the past few weeks.

Anyone on Facebook might have noticed I uploaded some pictures of my trip to Thorpe Park when I wore a bright pink tee shirt. That has been a cause of strife for my aunt. Pink being attributed to women/gay being the reason. So she made a couple of disrespectful comments about guys wearing pink… my brother having very little originality noticed I had a pink tee shirt and immediately afterwards he sported a brand new pink shirt. Man was my aunt pissed.

I’m at my mum’s and my brother comes home from work.

Me: I didn’t know you had a pink shirt
Him: I didn’t… I just got it.
Me: Coz I brought a pink tee shirt?
Him: Yeah (sheepishly). Loads of guys wear pink now.
Aunt: Every male in the household is wearing pink now (very sarcastically and clearly annoyed)

I couldn’t help but laugh. My brother asked me afterwards what the deal was. I said nothing.

A few weeks later, my brother and I were watching brothers and sisters, the first or second episode… and there is a scene where the gay brother is being chatted up by this gay witness, and the conversation is so that the word GAY is said in every sentence. So my aunt walks into the room exactly at this time and practically screams ‘WHAT IS THIS YOU ARE WATCHING THAT HAS SO MUCH GAY IN IT?’ My brother just looks at me and I calmly say ‘Brothers and Sisters’, and with great difficulty refrain from laughing. My aunt is pissed and there is tension so thick in the air that you can cut it with a knife. At the first moment alone that was the point my brother turned to me and asked ‘have you told her your gay?’ I turned to him, half laughing and say ‘yeah’… he just looks at me and says ‘I never know if your joking or not’. I’m now playing with the idea that I should just tell him point blank and seriously! I’ve on many occasions told him indirectly and once he said something and I said ‘you don’t really know me at all’…

But in my mind… I’m not sure he is the best person to tell. He has NEVER been able to keep something to himself… and I’d rather tell my mum myself before she finds out from someone else. I just don’t know how to bring it up in conversation, and since we live such separate lives, and I have little common ground our conversations tend to be quite trivial.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Just How Fucked Up Are Some People?

It’s not easy to shake me. There is very little that would completely faze me. A week ago I was shaken, so completely, that I actually felt sick to my stomach, so much so that I went and actually threw up... I was actually shivering in shock. And I've only just been able to actually write this post - there was a while were I really didn't think I could write this... coz it just makes me sick to even think about it.

What could throw me so? A documentary by Steven Fry on HIV that concluded yesterday on the BBC.

I’m not one of those people who might be caught unaware by such a thing, I’m only too conscious of that risk… as a gay man rightly so.

But then I learnt some things that I’m really not sure I wanted to. In specific about about people pos-ing themselves up. Just to be clear that was not posing, but indeed POS-ing. And for those who aren’t aware of that term (I sure as hell wasn’t up until last week) – it refers to the ‘gift’ of HIV being passed from a HIV positive person to a HIV negative person actually wanting to be infected HIV. I use the term gift in inverted commas coz that is how these people think about contracting of HIV. Now I know that there are many many many stupid people out there, but I always thought that there was a limit to people’s stupidity and now I’ve learnt that there really isn’t. Anyone who thinks of HIV as a gift, really and truly needs his or her head examined, just how fucked up are these people? I mean what kind of Neanderthal thinking is that. Are we digressing to cave people?

There was a story featured about one specific HIV negative guy who let five HIV positive guys fuck him bareback, and then used a butt plug to ensure none of the infected semen seeped out, to ENSURE he did indeed get infected.

Then there was mention of a guy who fucked around (without a condom) despite knowing he had HIV.

I'm not sure which specific story that got to me more. I think the first one is the one that made me so sick I threw up and the second makes me so angry I have no words.

Worse the latter, reminds me of a time where I almost had unprotected sex with a complete stranger and the harsh truth of just how much danger I almost put myself in really sinks in... I was so young, that it would have been my first time and what scares me to death was that I would have allowed him to have sex with me without a condom had he insisted, in fact I remember being slightly annoyed he didn't want to fuck me at the time... thankfully it didn't come down to that. Whilst we did have fun... there was no penetration... we were both of heart and mind that our first date would not include sex, though caught in the moment why I choose to ignore that notion I have no idea. And now I'm so very glad thats how events played out...

Tuesday, October 09, 2007


I’ve been playing with the idea of whether or not I should be actively informing people of my sexuality, rather than allowing people to assume I’m straight.

Whilst one of my new year’s resolutions is to be honest about being gay if asked about it, I find that I use that as technicality and hide behind it… after all it’s not often that I’d be asked if I am gay, for the simple fact of the matter is I am not camp at all.

To be specific, let me explain. A few weeks back I was working at a Fresher’s Fair (Fresher is the term we give the new starters at a university) and this gay Indian guy walks past our Lloyds TSB stall, stops and asks a question, then he walks off. My colleague turns to me and says ‘its so sad’ – I might not be one to sing hymns about the glory of homosexuality – one thing I don’t do is stand idle and listen to negativity towards gay people, so I asked her to explain what she meant by that. She wasn’t able to explain, she just said it was sad that a Indian guy could be gay… she went further to say it would be sad for her if her son told her that he was gay, and that it concerned her. I asked her that if he was comfortable with it, then why should she be sad for him and but rather should be happy that he was comfortable enough with it to talk to her about it and wouldn’t she want him to ultimately be happy. I asked her if that what she would want from her son… his own happiness and she of course said yes. Having felt successful at getting her to say so I disengaged from the topic! But not before telling her it was up to each person to decide how to life his or her own life.

But I couldn’t help but think that that had been a perfect opportunity to tell her that I was as she had put it living a life that she felt was sad. But I didn’t. She didn’t ask, was what the voice in my head said. See, hiding behind a technicality. I’m kind of kicking myself now.. but what to say… I’m gay or bi?

Also as a side note, my brother asked me if I had told my aunt I was gay? Suffice to say she has been acting rather crude about the whole sexuality thing in public for a couple of weeks, but its bit long and complicated to explain here - so my next post will be about this... just for the record I said 'yes' - not sure if he believed me or not.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Meme Madness

It seems most of my memes either come from Jules or are stolen from Tom. This one is no different – its origin is Tom.

1. Does someone love you?
Yes. Everyone loves me. Don’t you all? Please leave comments to this effect ;o)

2. Do you know anyone named Dave?
I know a few Davids that are often refered to as Dave – so yeah.

3. Ever kissed anyone with the name starting with a J?

4. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
Not mistakenly no! But since I’m so loveable I’ve been adopted into many families, some are even strangers. My ex-managers wife is one such person. I very often get ‘You’re just like my son.’

5. Have you ever tried Propel Calcium Water?
No – any idea what is this?

6. What colour are the walls of your parent’s bedroom?
I honestly don’t know. But my aunt’s are a nice pale shade of green – I choose the wallpaper.

7. Do you think that hair extensions look skanky?
No real opinion on this coz I’ve never really thought about it. Each to their own.

8. Are you named after a grandparent?
No. I’m named after the most famous Punjabi/Indian alive.

9. Say you were given a drug test right now. Would you pass or fail?
Well I’d hope I’d pass.

10. Are you taller than 5′6″?
Not taller, no.

11. Do you know anyone in jail/prison?
Yes. A friend from school called Claire – the youngest woman in the UK to be convicted of rape. See here. It was very sad and shocking coz I knew her very well, and I'd not hesitate to have called her a friend, after all I'd known her since the age of about 8. I guess you really don't know what people are capable of.

12. Ever see a dead body?
Sadly yes.

13. Do you like the colour green?

14. What is your best friend’s Dad’s name?

15. How old are you?

16. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
Monty (at 1AM UK time) - thankfully I'm fairly nocturnal so I was awake.

17. Ever drove into the ghetto to buy drugs?
Nope. I’d never do drugs.

18. Last restaurant you went to?
Nandos. Yesterday for lunch.

19. What is the weather like today?
Cold and overcast – shortly it will be cold and wet.

20. Last voicemail you received?
My colleague from work asking where the fuck I was. (I was running late)

21. What did you do yesterday?
Went to work, waited for the server to be upgraded. Was so bored that I emptied the back office cabinet and reorganised the entire thing. It took 4 hours so you can see how organised it was to start with.

22. What’s the first thing you would do with five million dollars?
Faint. Then take a world tour.

23. What nationalities are you?
British. Just British.

24. How many hours did you sleep for last night?
Maybe about 3.

25. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend?
None spring to mind. I’d love to see One Republic if they ever come to the UK.

26. Who’s the last person that you felt was stalking you?
A guy called Dennis.

27. Have you ever been on your school’s track team?
Yes. Once, after stupidly actually running in the run around our school’s huge field during PE. Apparently the fact that I was fifth meant I caught the teacher’s eye. If I knew I’d get caught because of that I’d have walked instead.

28. What jewellery are you wearing?

29. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
Yeah probably.

30. How much money do you have?
Enough for a rainy day. My instant access account has £500 – which is the only money I allow myself to use – which doesn’t consider the fact that this months credit card bill of £250 remains unpaid or that the £150 fee for my December exams is due. So right now about £100. This isn’t normal but only as a result in buying so many of Northern Rocks shares a couple weeks back.

31. Do you swear at your parents?
Sometimes. I’ve sworn at my dad and my aunt (recently) – I’m a naughty boy.

32. Is your phone right beside you?
Yeah. Within arms reach.

33. Have you cried today?

34. Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
Yes. I received a text from M just yesterday saying that he thinks about me all the time. I replied calling him a nut.

35. Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
No. As far as I’m concerned none of my trainers have laces.

36. What is the colour of your bedsheets?

37. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes many times.

38. Are you photogenic?
No. I hate virtually all (99%) of any photo of me.

39. What’s your star sign?

40. Where do you spend most of your money?
Games. I’m very childish. Computer and board, alike.

41. What was the last thing you did?
Had a shower.

42. Do you have a tattoo?
Yeah. A pretty big one too. And I’d like to think a pretty nifty one too.

43. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?
No I work.

44. Is there a secret you’ve never told any of your friends?
I'm sure I do, but in typical fashion I've probably forgotten it.

45. Have you ever told someone you loved him or her but didn’t mean it?
No. That’s not me. I don’t say the words ‘I love you’ unless I really mean them… and I rarely do fall for someone so strongly.

46. Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle?
Yes many many many many times. And in the process I’ve learnt I have very little shame and very very skimpy boxers which I really really should never sit down in, without wearing pants unless I want to be arrested for indecent exposure.

47. What are you doing in 2008?
Looking for a job in the world of accountancy.

48. What is your ring tone?
Shayne Ward’s ‘If That’s Okay With You

49. What were you doing at 2am last night?
Tossing and turning.

50. Are your parents married/divorced/separated?

51. What are you doing tonight?
Visiting a family friend who has been diagnosed with Cancer but is too old and frail to be given any more chemotherapy.

52. What are you doing tomorrow?
Study study study. Mondays is a catch up day.

53. Who did you last message on Facebook/Myspace?
I don’t have a Myspace account! I messaged the brother of a friend (from Dubai) who I met whilst I was in New York last year, during an international dance competition.

54. What’s your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
I’m not partial to such things.

55. Does it annoy you when someone says they’ll call but never do?
Not really, no.

56. What did you dress up as for your first Halloween?
We don’t really trick or treat here in the UK.

57. Favourite Disney movie?

58. What is the wallpaper on your mobile phone?
A picture of my niece.

* This was written on Sunday morning whilst having breakfast - but didn't get a chance to post until now :o(