The Dreamer has moved
You'll find me at Soul Seared Memoirs
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Moving On
Howdy folks
I've finally got around to doing it - I've created a new blog.
To be honest I've been thinking about it for ages - in fact as far back as 6 months ago when I changed the name of my current blog to 'imperfections' from 'Waiting For Life...' as most of you are likely to have known it. Simply the reason that was holding me back (apart from time) was that I couldn't think of a name.. well I finally found one.. and I'm sure you'll laugh at how obvious it is when you hear it.
From today onwards you'll find me at Soul Seared Memoirs - as I stated before I have restricted this blog and will only offer access to people or bloggers I know.
I apologise but if I don't know you and you aren't a known blogger within the current bloggers network (linked to friends is okay) than for security purposes (amongst other reasons) you will not be granted access.
As always if you meet the above criteria - please leave a comment on the blog and email me on a_shah1000@hotmail.com
Peace out people - the Soul Seared Dreamer signs his final post herewith on the banks of Waiting For Life...
I've finally got around to doing it - I've created a new blog.
To be honest I've been thinking about it for ages - in fact as far back as 6 months ago when I changed the name of my current blog to 'imperfections' from 'Waiting For Life...' as most of you are likely to have known it. Simply the reason that was holding me back (apart from time) was that I couldn't think of a name.. well I finally found one.. and I'm sure you'll laugh at how obvious it is when you hear it.
From today onwards you'll find me at Soul Seared Memoirs - as I stated before I have restricted this blog and will only offer access to people or bloggers I know.
I apologise but if I don't know you and you aren't a known blogger within the current bloggers network (linked to friends is okay) than for security purposes (amongst other reasons) you will not be granted access.
As always if you meet the above criteria - please leave a comment on the blog and email me on a_shah1000@hotmail.com
Peace out people - the Soul Seared Dreamer signs his final post herewith on the banks of Waiting For Life...
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Privacy
Unfortunately dire times call for dire responses.
With immediate effect this blog will no longer update.
I will be intending to start a new blog - however I am afraid that this new one will be restricted.
For those that do not know - my email address is a_shah1000@hotmail.com - please email me for access.
I'm sorry to say this but unless I know you in person or are a fellow known blogger - you will not be granted access.
New blog address will follow.
With immediate effect this blog will no longer update.
I will be intending to start a new blog - however I am afraid that this new one will be restricted.
For those that do not know - my email address is a_shah1000@hotmail.com - please email me for access.
I'm sorry to say this but unless I know you in person or are a fellow known blogger - you will not be granted access.
New blog address will follow.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
An empty deck of cards
Well by now those that haven’t realised.. English finally took on board my suggestion to create a blog as an avenue to vent via. For those interested his blog can be found here.
I don’t think anyone who doesn’t or hasn’t ever blogged can ever truly understand just how useful a blog can be. There are no words for how essential my blog has been in shaping the man I am today. I think the fact that the blog can evolve into whatever you want it to be is one of the main reasons why this is so. For me when I first started the blog it enabled me to have a place where I could vent and be myself with a veil to hide my identity.. maybe that helped me voice a part of me that I’d never allowed to voice itself before. And when the time came I was able to shed that veil and bask in the freedom it allowed. Ever since that first moment – a weight had lifted and my very existence began to be shaped by an invisible entity known to you all as the infamous Soul Seared Dreamer. It was as if SSD was everything I had aspired and dared to be.
For those that have been reading English’s blog, or those that are more involved in my life than a blog presence (no offence to any of these people – I love every single one of you) would have known that things between English and I have what can only be known as “shit hittin’ the fan”.
I latently discovered after what to me was a normal routine post that things in my life had changed and I was going to have to rapidly adjust to keep from things imploding. I believe anyone who had subscribed to an RSS Feed (I never even knew this existed until this moment) got a version of the post “Harder Better Faster Stronger” that very few others saw. Essentially English had stated as clear as crystal that there were limits to what he would deem appropriate on my blog. That post he believed inappropriate for the fact that it made our relationship appear less than perfect. Maybe that was a moment when I should have realised that things weren't right and things would undoubtedly go wrong coz what was my only avenue to vent would disappear overnight. I know it might sound stpid but things that would have easily vented out of my system with a blog post had stated to fester and congeal without an avenue to escape. The little irrelevant things became issues and stuff started boiling over until there was nothing left but fire and arguments. This obviously hardly happened overnight and its only in hindsight that I see this.
This post will respect that latent wish and I’ll not touch upon the details behind what it was exactly that lead to the break-up but suffice to say there is soo much more to the break-down than can be summarised or encapsulated within a blog-post. In fact I broke down in front of a friend that will remainless nameless and poured my heart out over a box of tissues, taking up that poor souls' entire day to my sob story. That friend is one of 3 people outside our relationship who know the full-story (and not half-truths) about what happened and none of these have ever questioned or told me to reconsider my decision to break things off with English. One agrees with me that until its impossible I should make every effort to remain a friendship with him whereas the other two stress that I should run a mile. I've never been one to listen to anything more than my heart so I've decided for the time to continue to remain friends but maintain a professional difference and distance as to not give him hope that things could work out in the future.
I know the majority would after this much information prefer I document the entire story but, and I stress this but - I have more respect for English than to sit here and slag him off. He is by far one of the kindest and dearest people in my life, but, alas, our relationship was just not meant to be. Whether this was down to circumstances I'll never know. That is all I'll say on this. If English wishes to disect the relationship woes any further than I'll leave it to him.
Apologises for being so withdrawn of late – my life has had more control of me than I have had of it. I have taken steps to remedy this and whilst progress is likely to be slow and steady.. I hope to return to the world of blogging with renewed fervour. But before that I hope to catch up with the blogs I’ve come to love over the past year or so. Just allow me a bit of time – I’ve made an awful lot of friends and catching up with them will take quite some time.
Peace out people.
I don’t think anyone who doesn’t or hasn’t ever blogged can ever truly understand just how useful a blog can be. There are no words for how essential my blog has been in shaping the man I am today. I think the fact that the blog can evolve into whatever you want it to be is one of the main reasons why this is so. For me when I first started the blog it enabled me to have a place where I could vent and be myself with a veil to hide my identity.. maybe that helped me voice a part of me that I’d never allowed to voice itself before. And when the time came I was able to shed that veil and bask in the freedom it allowed. Ever since that first moment – a weight had lifted and my very existence began to be shaped by an invisible entity known to you all as the infamous Soul Seared Dreamer. It was as if SSD was everything I had aspired and dared to be.
For those that have been reading English’s blog, or those that are more involved in my life than a blog presence (no offence to any of these people – I love every single one of you) would have known that things between English and I have what can only be known as “shit hittin’ the fan”.
I latently discovered after what to me was a normal routine post that things in my life had changed and I was going to have to rapidly adjust to keep from things imploding. I believe anyone who had subscribed to an RSS Feed (I never even knew this existed until this moment) got a version of the post “Harder Better Faster Stronger” that very few others saw. Essentially English had stated as clear as crystal that there were limits to what he would deem appropriate on my blog. That post he believed inappropriate for the fact that it made our relationship appear less than perfect. Maybe that was a moment when I should have realised that things weren't right and things would undoubtedly go wrong coz what was my only avenue to vent would disappear overnight. I know it might sound stpid but things that would have easily vented out of my system with a blog post had stated to fester and congeal without an avenue to escape. The little irrelevant things became issues and stuff started boiling over until there was nothing left but fire and arguments. This obviously hardly happened overnight and its only in hindsight that I see this.
This post will respect that latent wish and I’ll not touch upon the details behind what it was exactly that lead to the break-up but suffice to say there is soo much more to the break-down than can be summarised or encapsulated within a blog-post. In fact I broke down in front of a friend that will remainless nameless and poured my heart out over a box of tissues, taking up that poor souls' entire day to my sob story. That friend is one of 3 people outside our relationship who know the full-story (and not half-truths) about what happened and none of these have ever questioned or told me to reconsider my decision to break things off with English. One agrees with me that until its impossible I should make every effort to remain a friendship with him whereas the other two stress that I should run a mile. I've never been one to listen to anything more than my heart so I've decided for the time to continue to remain friends but maintain a professional difference and distance as to not give him hope that things could work out in the future.
I know the majority would after this much information prefer I document the entire story but, and I stress this but - I have more respect for English than to sit here and slag him off. He is by far one of the kindest and dearest people in my life, but, alas, our relationship was just not meant to be. Whether this was down to circumstances I'll never know. That is all I'll say on this. If English wishes to disect the relationship woes any further than I'll leave it to him.
Apologises for being so withdrawn of late – my life has had more control of me than I have had of it. I have taken steps to remedy this and whilst progress is likely to be slow and steady.. I hope to return to the world of blogging with renewed fervour. But before that I hope to catch up with the blogs I’ve come to love over the past year or so. Just allow me a bit of time – I’ve made an awful lot of friends and catching up with them will take quite some time.
Peace out people.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Overdue Updates
Contrary to rumour - I am very much alive and well.
I assure you that despite my fundamental desire to blog.. my life has taken on a relentless capacity which gives me neither the time, the energy, nor the frame of mind required to blog.
This is not from a lack of trying. Hell recently I’ve not even been able to keep up to date with the blogs of others. I apologise for that – but unfortunately I’ve partially discovered the negatives of blogging so openly thus the fundamental desire to blog waned. I would like to say that this is over – but I fear this would not be particularly honest.
Nonetheless, I’m sitting here, with a few moments spare, unfortunately I am not home, and the desire to slip into bed remains painfully unattainable – therefore I have considered that maybe I should use this time to write a post.
The last few months have zoomed past me with such ferocity that even at the best of times I swear it feels as if my head spins uncontrollably.
Recent events:
I went to a theme park with English. I had assumed he would be petrified on the rides – but rather it was probably me that was more ruffled by the rides than he was. We bought some pictures which even I gotta admit I really look ruffled in.
I went to Sardinia with 6 mates. X was one of these. I’ve hung around with quite a few of the other five, on several occasions but one rather elusively I’ve not really had much more chance or opportunity to do any more than small talk prior to the holiday. We’ll call this specific one the ‘Rude Boi’, only since he has a tendency to act the part. He has the rude boy earring, the rude boy hair style and rude boy mannerisms. Anyways so Rude Boi and I got along better than I had imagined. In fact I actually got along better with him than X, and spent most of the holiday talking and hanging around with him – which is kinda weird considering than the Rude Boi was accompanied by his boyfriend. Here are a few pictures from out there.
I assure you that despite my fundamental desire to blog.. my life has taken on a relentless capacity which gives me neither the time, the energy, nor the frame of mind required to blog.
This is not from a lack of trying. Hell recently I’ve not even been able to keep up to date with the blogs of others. I apologise for that – but unfortunately I’ve partially discovered the negatives of blogging so openly thus the fundamental desire to blog waned. I would like to say that this is over – but I fear this would not be particularly honest.
Nonetheless, I’m sitting here, with a few moments spare, unfortunately I am not home, and the desire to slip into bed remains painfully unattainable – therefore I have considered that maybe I should use this time to write a post.
The last few months have zoomed past me with such ferocity that even at the best of times I swear it feels as if my head spins uncontrollably.
Recent events:
I went to a theme park with English. I had assumed he would be petrified on the rides – but rather it was probably me that was more ruffled by the rides than he was. We bought some pictures which even I gotta admit I really look ruffled in.
I went to Sardinia with 6 mates. X was one of these. I’ve hung around with quite a few of the other five, on several occasions but one rather elusively I’ve not really had much more chance or opportunity to do any more than small talk prior to the holiday. We’ll call this specific one the ‘Rude Boi’, only since he has a tendency to act the part. He has the rude boy earring, the rude boy hair style and rude boy mannerisms. Anyways so Rude Boi and I got along better than I had imagined. In fact I actually got along better with him than X, and spent most of the holiday talking and hanging around with him – which is kinda weird considering than the Rude Boi was accompanied by his boyfriend. Here are a few pictures from out there.
I also went to see Avenue Q, which was kinda fuelled by Monty’s insistence that I should definitely make it a point to see it, as he had seen it whilst he was there and really gave it a wonderful review. I gotta admit it lived up perfectly to the hype.. all I’m gonna say on this is... “the internet is for porn. So grab your dick and double-click for porn-porn-porn!”
I also attended my first Pride. Which was absolutely amazing, especially since I had English with me and thoroughly enjoyed the absolute freedom of being able to hold his hand in public, or being held in his arms so openly! Here are the best pictures from the day.
This guy is so hot [SSD fans himself]
I love this - this was my favourite sign.
This poor bastard actually stuffed a sock in his pants - and OMG it was clearly evident too. I actually felt sorry for him coz I don't think he knew how obvious it looked.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Harder Better Faster Stronger
I saw this video on YouTube – my friend T sent me the link and I think its incredible. Check it out - it starts a bit slow but hang about its well worth it
Additionally I’ve been listening to the 2008 Eurovision Songs.
I’m especially in love with these three (in the order listed)
Armenia's Qele Qele.
Israel's The Fire In Your Eyes.
Greece's Secret Combination.
Additionally I’ve been listening to the 2008 Eurovision Songs.
I’m especially in love with these three (in the order listed)
Armenia's Qele Qele.
Israel's The Fire In Your Eyes.
Greece's Secret Combination.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Kehna Hi Kya - What Is There To Say
This whole weekend, and the build up to it, has been particularly trying and emotive. As always the middle of June is a difficult time in my life. Yesterday 10 whole years marked the most significant day in my life. My uncle’s death.
Thankfully English helped preserved my fragile state with sweet texts and messages at intervals when I desperately needed every ounce of strength I could muster. English feed me strength in abundance, as did most of the friends that I’ve opened up to about it.
The need to remain busy ate away at me today as I refused to let my thoughts wander. I was out of bed at 6AM and have not stopped moving at sonic pace since.
The other day when I was in my uncle’s car I noticed his copy of the Bombay Soundtrack, and I brought it home with me. Feeling somewhat needful of music, I inserted the CD and specifically allowed ‘Kehna Hi Kya’, the track I borrowed the disk for, to fill my room. With the speakers & boombox at close to max, mentally I began to unravel the words, with each repeat, the English words staying in mind. Normally when I listen to Hindi music I allow the Hindi to wash over me without really attempting to unravel what exactly the song means. However, today with the need to keep my mind busy, I allowed myself to break the song down as much as possible whilst I cleared through the dust and piles saturating my room.
Whilst it is one of my all time favourite songs, I never realised fully what anything more than the title meant. Which if you’re wondering means ‘What is there to say’!
Since I’ve already broken it down and feel weary and don’t really fancy writing a real post today I thought I’d put up a translation of the song.
So here it is – the English translation of ‘Kehna Hi Kya’ - apologies if its not perfect – its fairly elite Hindi.
Gumsum gumsum gup chup, gumsum gup chup
Gumsum gumsum gup chup, gumsum gup chup
Halchal halchal ho gayi teri, honth hai tere chup
Khalbal khalbal ho gayi teri, baithi hai tu gupchup
Pyaare pyaare chehre lekar dediya ishaara
Dekha teri aankhon mein hai sapna koi pyaara
Humse gori naa tu sharma, kehde humse zara
Humse gori naa tu sharma, kehde humse zara.
Silent and secretive, silent and secretive
Silent and secretive, silent and secretive
You are all shaken, yet your lips are silent
You are clearly disturbed, yet you sit there silently
But your lovely face betrays you
We all see that there are sweet dreams in your eyes
Don't be shy fair one, tell us what has transpired
Don't be shy fair one, tell us a little of what has happened.
Kehna hi kya yeh nain ek anjaan se jo mile
Chalne lage mohabbat ke jaise yeh silsile
Armaan naye aise dil mein khile, jinko kabhi main naa jaanoon
Voh humse, hum unse kabhi naa mile, kaise mile dil naa jaanoon
Ab kya kare, kya naam le, kaise unhe main pukaaroon?
What is there to say, my eyes met with a stranger
Instantly it were as if a love story has started
Desires that I never knew before, are blooming in my heart
If he and I have never met, I don’t know how have our hearts have met
What do I do now, what name shall I take, how do I call out to him?
Pehli hi nazar mein kuch hum, kuch tum ho jaate hai yun gum
Nainon se barse rim jhim, rim jhim humpe pyaar ka saavan
Sharm thodi thodi humko aaye to nazarein jhuk jaayen
Sitam thoda thoda humpe shok hawa bhi kar jaaye
Aisi chali, aanchal ude, dil mein ek toofaan uthe
Hum to lut gaye khade hi khade.
At first sight, both you and I got a little lost
A shower of love fell dripping from our eyes
As I got a little shy, my eyes shied away facing downwards
The mischievous breeze teases me
Such a storm brewed in my heart, that my draped sari flew
I was totally taken, whilst simply standing.
Kehna hi kya yeh nain ek anjaan se jo mile
Chalne lage mohabbat ke jaise yeh silsile
Armaan naye aise dil mein khile, jinko kabhi main naa jaanoon
Voh humse, hum unse kabhi naa mile, kaise mile dil naa jaanoon
Ab kya kare, kya naam le, kaise unhe main pukaaroon?
What is there to say, my eyes met with a stranger
Instantly it were as if a love story has started
Desires that I never knew before, are blooming in my heart
If he and I have never met, I don’t know how have our hearts have met
What do I do now, what name shall I take, how do I call out to him?
Gumsum gumsum gup chup, gumsum gup chup
Gumsum gumsum gup chup, gumsum gup chup
Halchal halchal ho gayi teri, honth hai tere chup
Khalbal khalbal ho gayi teri, baithi hai tu gupchup
Pyaare pyaare chehre lekar dediya ishaara
Dekha teri aankhon mein hai sapna koi pyaara
Humse gori naa tu sharma, kehde humse zara
Humse gori naa tu sharma, kehde humse zara.
Silent and secretive, silent and secretive
Silent and secretive, silent and secretive
You are all shaken, yet your lips are silent
You are clearly disturbed, yet you sit there silently
But your lovely face betrays you
We all see that there are sweet dreams in your eyes
Don't be shy fair on, tell us what has transpired
Don't be shy fair one; tell us a little of what has happened.
In honthon ne maanga sargam, sargam tu aur tera hi pyaar hai
Aankhen dhoonde hai jisko har dam, har dam tu aur tera hi pyaar hai
Mehfil mein bhi tanha hai dil aise, dil aise
Tujhko kho naa de, darrta hai yeh aise, yeh aise
Aaj mili aisi khushi, jhoom uthi duniya yeh meri
Tumko paaya to paayi zindagi.
These lips begged for a melody, that melody is you and your love
That which these eyes have ceaselessly searched for is you and your love
Even in a crowd, my heart feels lonely,
As though, it fears that it might lose you.
I got such happiness today, that my whole world is dancing
When I found you I found life.
Kehna hi kya yeh nain ek anjaan se jo mile
Chalne lage mohabbat ke jaise yeh silsile
Armaan naye aise dil mein khile, jinko kabhi main naa jaanoon
Voh humse, hum unse kabhi naa mile, kaise mile dil naa jaanoon
Ab kya kare, kya naam le, kaise unhe main pukaaroon?
Kehna hi kya yeh nain ek anjaan se jo mile
Chalne lage mohabbat ke jaise yeh silsile
Kehna hi kya?
What is there to say, my eyes met with a stranger
Instantly it were as if a love story has started
Wishes that I never knew before, are blooming in my heart
If he and I have never met, I don’t know how have our hearts have met
What do I do now, what name shall I take, how do I call out to him?
What is there to say, my eyes met with a stranger
Instantly it were as if a love story has started
What is there left to say?
Find below the video for the song
Thankfully English helped preserved my fragile state with sweet texts and messages at intervals when I desperately needed every ounce of strength I could muster. English feed me strength in abundance, as did most of the friends that I’ve opened up to about it.
The need to remain busy ate away at me today as I refused to let my thoughts wander. I was out of bed at 6AM and have not stopped moving at sonic pace since.
The other day when I was in my uncle’s car I noticed his copy of the Bombay Soundtrack, and I brought it home with me. Feeling somewhat needful of music, I inserted the CD and specifically allowed ‘Kehna Hi Kya’, the track I borrowed the disk for, to fill my room. With the speakers & boombox at close to max, mentally I began to unravel the words, with each repeat, the English words staying in mind. Normally when I listen to Hindi music I allow the Hindi to wash over me without really attempting to unravel what exactly the song means. However, today with the need to keep my mind busy, I allowed myself to break the song down as much as possible whilst I cleared through the dust and piles saturating my room.
Whilst it is one of my all time favourite songs, I never realised fully what anything more than the title meant. Which if you’re wondering means ‘What is there to say’!
Since I’ve already broken it down and feel weary and don’t really fancy writing a real post today I thought I’d put up a translation of the song.
So here it is – the English translation of ‘Kehna Hi Kya’ - apologies if its not perfect – its fairly elite Hindi.
Gumsum gumsum gup chup, gumsum gup chup
Gumsum gumsum gup chup, gumsum gup chup
Halchal halchal ho gayi teri, honth hai tere chup
Khalbal khalbal ho gayi teri, baithi hai tu gupchup
Pyaare pyaare chehre lekar dediya ishaara
Dekha teri aankhon mein hai sapna koi pyaara
Humse gori naa tu sharma, kehde humse zara
Humse gori naa tu sharma, kehde humse zara.
Silent and secretive, silent and secretive
Silent and secretive, silent and secretive
You are all shaken, yet your lips are silent
You are clearly disturbed, yet you sit there silently
But your lovely face betrays you
We all see that there are sweet dreams in your eyes
Don't be shy fair one, tell us what has transpired
Don't be shy fair one, tell us a little of what has happened.
Kehna hi kya yeh nain ek anjaan se jo mile
Chalne lage mohabbat ke jaise yeh silsile
Armaan naye aise dil mein khile, jinko kabhi main naa jaanoon
Voh humse, hum unse kabhi naa mile, kaise mile dil naa jaanoon
Ab kya kare, kya naam le, kaise unhe main pukaaroon?
What is there to say, my eyes met with a stranger
Instantly it were as if a love story has started
Desires that I never knew before, are blooming in my heart
If he and I have never met, I don’t know how have our hearts have met
What do I do now, what name shall I take, how do I call out to him?
Pehli hi nazar mein kuch hum, kuch tum ho jaate hai yun gum
Nainon se barse rim jhim, rim jhim humpe pyaar ka saavan
Sharm thodi thodi humko aaye to nazarein jhuk jaayen
Sitam thoda thoda humpe shok hawa bhi kar jaaye
Aisi chali, aanchal ude, dil mein ek toofaan uthe
Hum to lut gaye khade hi khade.
At first sight, both you and I got a little lost
A shower of love fell dripping from our eyes
As I got a little shy, my eyes shied away facing downwards
The mischievous breeze teases me
Such a storm brewed in my heart, that my draped sari flew
I was totally taken, whilst simply standing.
Kehna hi kya yeh nain ek anjaan se jo mile
Chalne lage mohabbat ke jaise yeh silsile
Armaan naye aise dil mein khile, jinko kabhi main naa jaanoon
Voh humse, hum unse kabhi naa mile, kaise mile dil naa jaanoon
Ab kya kare, kya naam le, kaise unhe main pukaaroon?
What is there to say, my eyes met with a stranger
Instantly it were as if a love story has started
Desires that I never knew before, are blooming in my heart
If he and I have never met, I don’t know how have our hearts have met
What do I do now, what name shall I take, how do I call out to him?
Gumsum gumsum gup chup, gumsum gup chup
Gumsum gumsum gup chup, gumsum gup chup
Halchal halchal ho gayi teri, honth hai tere chup
Khalbal khalbal ho gayi teri, baithi hai tu gupchup
Pyaare pyaare chehre lekar dediya ishaara
Dekha teri aankhon mein hai sapna koi pyaara
Humse gori naa tu sharma, kehde humse zara
Humse gori naa tu sharma, kehde humse zara.
Silent and secretive, silent and secretive
Silent and secretive, silent and secretive
You are all shaken, yet your lips are silent
You are clearly disturbed, yet you sit there silently
But your lovely face betrays you
We all see that there are sweet dreams in your eyes
Don't be shy fair on, tell us what has transpired
Don't be shy fair one; tell us a little of what has happened.
In honthon ne maanga sargam, sargam tu aur tera hi pyaar hai
Aankhen dhoonde hai jisko har dam, har dam tu aur tera hi pyaar hai
Mehfil mein bhi tanha hai dil aise, dil aise
Tujhko kho naa de, darrta hai yeh aise, yeh aise
Aaj mili aisi khushi, jhoom uthi duniya yeh meri
Tumko paaya to paayi zindagi.
These lips begged for a melody, that melody is you and your love
That which these eyes have ceaselessly searched for is you and your love
Even in a crowd, my heart feels lonely,
As though, it fears that it might lose you.
I got such happiness today, that my whole world is dancing
When I found you I found life.
Kehna hi kya yeh nain ek anjaan se jo mile
Chalne lage mohabbat ke jaise yeh silsile
Armaan naye aise dil mein khile, jinko kabhi main naa jaanoon
Voh humse, hum unse kabhi naa mile, kaise mile dil naa jaanoon
Ab kya kare, kya naam le, kaise unhe main pukaaroon?
Kehna hi kya yeh nain ek anjaan se jo mile
Chalne lage mohabbat ke jaise yeh silsile
Kehna hi kya?
What is there to say, my eyes met with a stranger
Instantly it were as if a love story has started
Wishes that I never knew before, are blooming in my heart
If he and I have never met, I don’t know how have our hearts have met
What do I do now, what name shall I take, how do I call out to him?
What is there to say, my eyes met with a stranger
Instantly it were as if a love story has started
What is there left to say?
Find below the video for the song
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Anti-Dating
When is a date not a date?
That is the million-dollar question!
Clearly the answer is when you get English and SSD together.
Further to the tension caused by my cancelling on him earlier this week, the benefit of English’s weird wacky attempt at dramatising the situation (I am not hesitant to stress that he did have good reason to throw a hissy-fit), was that, his hissy-fit illustrated to me just how much I have truly come to care for this guy.
And well the hissy-fit also gave me the much needed kick on the tush required to ensure that (as Monty so eloquently put it) I nurture our fledgling relationship appropriately.
Thus comes date 3.
But truth is I no longer feel like the terms ‘date’ or ‘dating’ apply to English and I anymore.
Dashing ‘Mr I’m SOOOO in LOVE with SSD’ presented me with a set of keys to his err I mean 'OUR' flat (his words not mine).. and we discussed being exclusive.
So there you have it ladies and gents the notoriously flirty SSD has been nabbed by a cute English lad who goes by the name English. Hands up who thinks he is up to the task of handling a wily Chipmunk like me? Personally I don’t think he has realised what the hell he has got himself into. Poor lad ;o)
PS – My boyfriend whispered ‘I love you’ in my ear when we were huddled under his duvet. Oh yeah.. before I forget... I spent the night at his AGAIN.
That is the million-dollar question!
Clearly the answer is when you get English and SSD together.
Further to the tension caused by my cancelling on him earlier this week, the benefit of English’s weird wacky attempt at dramatising the situation (I am not hesitant to stress that he did have good reason to throw a hissy-fit), was that, his hissy-fit illustrated to me just how much I have truly come to care for this guy.
And well the hissy-fit also gave me the much needed kick on the tush required to ensure that (as Monty so eloquently put it) I nurture our fledgling relationship appropriately.
Thus comes date 3.
But truth is I no longer feel like the terms ‘date’ or ‘dating’ apply to English and I anymore.
Dashing ‘Mr I’m SOOOO in LOVE with SSD’ presented me with a set of keys to his err I mean 'OUR' flat (his words not mine).. and we discussed being exclusive.
So there you have it ladies and gents the notoriously flirty SSD has been nabbed by a cute English lad who goes by the name English. Hands up who thinks he is up to the task of handling a wily Chipmunk like me? Personally I don’t think he has realised what the hell he has got himself into. Poor lad ;o)
PS – My boyfriend whispered ‘I love you’ in my ear when we were huddled under his duvet. Oh yeah.. before I forget... I spent the night at his AGAIN.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Momentum Continued
I've found that things said in the heat of the moment have an annoying habit of wrecking things.
I suppose that is one of life's lessons.
Another lesson I've learnt is that English is adorable.. and yes siree I adore him for it. Some of the emails I recieved today made me wanna digitally transfer myself into an electric pulse and bear hug him on the other end. Alas I couldn't despite trying.
[SSD stares into space dreamily]
I suppose that is one of life's lessons.
Another lesson I've learnt is that English is adorable.. and yes siree I adore him for it. Some of the emails I recieved today made me wanna digitally transfer myself into an electric pulse and bear hug him on the other end. Alas I couldn't despite trying.
[SSD stares into space dreamily]
Monday, May 26, 2008
Momentum
Lately things have been a blur.
When I stop and try to wonder where time has gone.. my mind draws a blank.. its almost like the months between January and April disappeared within a blink of an eye.
Things with English are going well.. sometimes I feel I need to slow things down with him coz the momentum I feel with him is so intense I no longer feel in control and for the first time in ages my emotions and heart are leading the way. I should be worried but the strangest thing is I’m not in the slightest. I feel no reservations in telling him I miss him and I’m glad that he doesn’t hide that he is missing me either. The last week or so he has done a pretty amazing job in reminding me that I’m not as stone-hearted as I’d come to think. I think I'm falling for him.
But – and yes there is always a but - I’m afraid that he doesn’t get me and that makes me wanna hold back.. the constant need for me to please everyone that drags me down especially when I know I’m not able to do this is the main thing that plays on my mind. He wants me to spend time and stay over at his.. I want to do this too.. but my family commitments & my aunt's health are big consideration and it makes me unable to follow my heart all the time. Take tonight for example. My aunt dropped the bombshell on me that tomorrow my cousin is going to drop his 2 girls off at my place and that she has taken the day off work to babysit them and whilst it was planned a week in advance I only just found out. She knows as I do.. that she can't handle two young girls for the whole day and yet she takes on the responsibility of this and expects me to help out. This is my family.. how can I say no? But I had made plans with English & since I didn’t spend any of the long weekend with him (I didn’t want to piss the family off be being out over the Bank Holiday) I was really looking forward to this evening out with English but with the whole staying over a huge issue for my aunt I thought I’d give her some time to adjust before pressing that issue again. So it was doubly hard for me.. first was having to tell him that I wouldn’t spend the night at his and second upon the bombshell being delivered that I would have to cancel the evening (my aunt expressly stated I should get home as early as possible.. she even suggested I take the afternoon off).
This obviously - the short notice & the fact that I had to cancel my plans caused friction between my aunt and I and we ended up screaming at each other.. me telling her that she doesn’t take into consideration anyone else but herself and her telling me I don't care about my family. I was really quite upset afterwards and I knew it would be worsened coz I knew English would be upset when I told him I had to cancel.. but I was really hurt by his reaction and I’m not gonna lie it brought tears to my eye. I just.. I don’t know why.. I know I shouldn’t have.. but I just expected more from him than that.
Right now I’m just so angry at myself for everything. Everything. I feel like I’m never cut a break.
Anyways I’m gonna try being positive.
I’ve finally settled into my new job in virtually every respect. There was a time when I felt a little out of my depth, but this didn’t mean I wasn’t enjoying it, quite the opposite really.. I’ve been thoroughly enjoying the challenge and loving the fact that virtually everyday I learn something new.
One of my girlfriends blasted me just the other day claiming I have been a crap friend lately.. which I’m gonna say has been a pretty good approximation. With recent priority being focused on ACCA exams & job hunting.. I had put a hold on many of the things I enjoyed watching and as a result I was lagging behind on all my favourite TV shows. So in recent weeks I’ve been trying to catch up on Smallville S7, Stargate SG1 S10, Stargate Atlantis S3, Heroes S2, & 24 S6. Recently the focus has been on Heroes.. I watched Season 1 again and watched Season 2 for the first time.. rock on Season 3 I say. This weekend in the spare time I’ve just started watching 24. Man I’m only 3 episodes in but whoa its kicked off amazingly.
ON a side note - I’ve been reading Gregory David Roberts’ Shantaram – its an amazing read but whilst I’ve gotten almost 400 pages in.. I’m finding it awfully difficult to finish coz I’m barely half way. What I really wanna read is the next Dan Brown. Damn can’t he release something?
When I stop and try to wonder where time has gone.. my mind draws a blank.. its almost like the months between January and April disappeared within a blink of an eye.
Things with English are going well.. sometimes I feel I need to slow things down with him coz the momentum I feel with him is so intense I no longer feel in control and for the first time in ages my emotions and heart are leading the way. I should be worried but the strangest thing is I’m not in the slightest. I feel no reservations in telling him I miss him and I’m glad that he doesn’t hide that he is missing me either. The last week or so he has done a pretty amazing job in reminding me that I’m not as stone-hearted as I’d come to think. I think I'm falling for him.
But – and yes there is always a but - I’m afraid that he doesn’t get me and that makes me wanna hold back.. the constant need for me to please everyone that drags me down especially when I know I’m not able to do this is the main thing that plays on my mind. He wants me to spend time and stay over at his.. I want to do this too.. but my family commitments & my aunt's health are big consideration and it makes me unable to follow my heart all the time. Take tonight for example. My aunt dropped the bombshell on me that tomorrow my cousin is going to drop his 2 girls off at my place and that she has taken the day off work to babysit them and whilst it was planned a week in advance I only just found out. She knows as I do.. that she can't handle two young girls for the whole day and yet she takes on the responsibility of this and expects me to help out. This is my family.. how can I say no? But I had made plans with English & since I didn’t spend any of the long weekend with him (I didn’t want to piss the family off be being out over the Bank Holiday) I was really looking forward to this evening out with English but with the whole staying over a huge issue for my aunt I thought I’d give her some time to adjust before pressing that issue again. So it was doubly hard for me.. first was having to tell him that I wouldn’t spend the night at his and second upon the bombshell being delivered that I would have to cancel the evening (my aunt expressly stated I should get home as early as possible.. she even suggested I take the afternoon off).
This obviously - the short notice & the fact that I had to cancel my plans caused friction between my aunt and I and we ended up screaming at each other.. me telling her that she doesn’t take into consideration anyone else but herself and her telling me I don't care about my family. I was really quite upset afterwards and I knew it would be worsened coz I knew English would be upset when I told him I had to cancel.. but I was really hurt by his reaction and I’m not gonna lie it brought tears to my eye. I just.. I don’t know why.. I know I shouldn’t have.. but I just expected more from him than that.
Right now I’m just so angry at myself for everything. Everything. I feel like I’m never cut a break.
Anyways I’m gonna try being positive.
I’ve finally settled into my new job in virtually every respect. There was a time when I felt a little out of my depth, but this didn’t mean I wasn’t enjoying it, quite the opposite really.. I’ve been thoroughly enjoying the challenge and loving the fact that virtually everyday I learn something new.
One of my girlfriends blasted me just the other day claiming I have been a crap friend lately.. which I’m gonna say has been a pretty good approximation. With recent priority being focused on ACCA exams & job hunting.. I had put a hold on many of the things I enjoyed watching and as a result I was lagging behind on all my favourite TV shows. So in recent weeks I’ve been trying to catch up on Smallville S7, Stargate SG1 S10, Stargate Atlantis S3, Heroes S2, & 24 S6. Recently the focus has been on Heroes.. I watched Season 1 again and watched Season 2 for the first time.. rock on Season 3 I say. This weekend in the spare time I’ve just started watching 24. Man I’m only 3 episodes in but whoa its kicked off amazingly.
ON a side note - I’ve been reading Gregory David Roberts’ Shantaram – its an amazing read but whilst I’ve gotten almost 400 pages in.. I’m finding it awfully difficult to finish coz I’m barely half way. What I really wanna read is the next Dan Brown. Damn can’t he release something?